The One still with the Mumbai Locals

After my post last week about types of women in Mumbai locals, I was constantly coming up with stuff I “should have put in”. AFTER publishing the post, naturally.

So, for all those types I missed out, here’s a part 2. And since it’s a sequel and hardly ever have I seen a sequel as good as the original, don’t get your hopes up.

Contd.

6. Pole Dancers :

Now these women can give strip clubs some major competition. The train might be completely empty, seats galore, and while some people like me would rush to grab those seats, these talented women hang onto the pole for dear life. Someone show them the way to ‘Khatron ke Khiladi : Season Infinity’ please. Now, I have never understood that pleasure of seeing your life hanging by a thread in front of you from Andheri to Bandra, but maybe that’s just me. Granted, the wind blowing through your hair making you look more of a Yeti then you usually do is fun, but I don’t appreciate the fact that a tiny slip and I might just end up in 10 pieces.

 

7. PMSing Women :

Adhering to the stereotype that PMSing women are forever cranky, emotional, over-reacting and short tempered, it seemed like the accurate name for this classification. There will always be that one woman in the compartment who will blow the roof off the train because the woman behind her accidently pulled 0.06% of a strand of her hair, or because she accidently nudged her. Here’s a thought, how about you buy a whole new train for yourself since you are convinced that everyone else is just trying to make you go bald. Lady, don’t  go about disturbing my precious 45 minute REM cycle sleep with your monthly cycle behavior.

 

8. WRR Broadcasters :

The Western Railway Radio Broadcasters are the more knowledgeable Loudspeakers (for reference, please see The One With The Mumbai Locals (shameless self-publicity, I know)). They are the ones who will start national level debates over the rise in milk prices or fangirl over Tarla Dalal’s latest Dal Makhani recipe. Generally, this information won’t make sense to us teenagers, but just listen in between when you aren’t being pushed out the train, and you just might catch last night’s headlines.

 

9. The Rowlings :

Now, this is simply the name because I needed to convey their excessive powers of Imagination and making up stuff. They are ones who will hang on to the last bars of the train, shouting ‘Andar chalo, Jagah hai’, knowing full well their journey from Mira Road to Dahisar is going to be spent praying that their wrist muscles don’t cramp so that they don’t reach Heaven instead of Churchgate. They could give some tough competitions to the Optimists (again, refer to the previous post) (so much blatant self-publicity) seeing as they always manage to see space for at least 10 more people. Also, ladies, your constant screams of ‘Andar jao, latak rahe hai gir jayege’ is just plain unnerving, because : 1. If there was place, we would get in. We don’t have personal vendettas against you. 2. The only way for you to get in now, is if we push people out the other door and I don’t think they’d like that very much. So please, next time, leave the imagination for Rowling, and catch the next train. I’m sure there’s another overflowing one just 3 minutes later.

 

10. The HIWO :

Don’t try to pronounce it now. It’s just an acronym for Headphones In World Out. This one is for all the ladies who put in their headphones all the way from Virar to Churchgate, and couldn’t care less about the remaining crowd. Which is basically every teenager in the train. Trust me, if there is a teenager in the train without headphones, either she didn’t get a chance to remove them, or they fell out. Now these are the kind of people I like, who mind their own business, don’t act like alarm clocks for other and don’t start nuclear wars if you accidently nudge them a bit.

 

Whew, this was a long post. I think I’ve managed to cover up almost every category now, until my brain thinks up new ones in my sleep. If I’ve missed any, do feel free to comment, and of course, reviews and criticism always welcome.

That being said, daily drowsy mornings would be pretty uneventful without all these women to wind me up. And no hate, just observations on my part. Be who you are, except if you’re the woman who screamed at me the other day because ‘I HAD to put my hair in your face’, please don’t be yourself.

 

Update : A friend of mine just alerted me to a category that I missed out, and shamefully at that, so just an extra-long postscript here,

11. The Nerds :

These are the girls who have their noses buried into the latest Paulo Coelho or into their Kindles or iPads or whatever new-fangled replacement there exists for paperbacks nowadays. These girls don’t care about your boyfriend troubles or auto strikes, as long as they’ve got a book in their hand or battery in their phone. They seem quiet and shy, but talk about Hermione punching Draco, or Katniss and Gale, and you might just have launched a full-scale fandom war from Andheri to Churchgate.

 

Until next time,

EllieB.