The One with the Human Classification

Now when I go to college, and usually when I don’t attend lectures, I sit and randomly observe people. OBSERVE, not stalk. And I’ve noticed that there are so many different types of students in engineering colleges. And since I could not come up with a better topic, I thought I might as well write about that.
So here are the 9 classifications of engineering students:

1. Homo nerdiens:
I decided to start off with these because every class in every college definitely has them.
They are the people who attend every lecture, sit in the front rows, and hang on to the teacher’s every word.
They are the perineal source of notes, which we realise during exams, but at other times, they are mostly a hindrance in mass bunk plans, provide free jealousy during results and have an attendance record higher than your 10th standard result. Default species, stays with their own, spotted in classrooms and around teachers.

2. Homo snobians:
Welcome, you can be a part of this gang if your father has an absurdly huge annual income. They are the rich kids, who come to a college 1 km away from their house in swanky cars, wear branded shorts, go to high-end bars for birthdays , and speak with accents learnt from American sitcoms. Some of them might not be snobbish and hang out with everyone, but usually they have a clique of their own. Rare species, stays with their own, spotted at any expensive hangout around college.

3. Homo fashionitis:
Now this student definitely got into the wrong stream. They belong at NIFT or on the runway. They’ll show up for lectures with Balenciaga bags that barely fit a book, wear clothes that were at Lakme Fashion Week last week, wear high heels and manage not to fall, and make everyone wonder whether they lost their way this morning. Rare species, easily spotted, does not wander in groups because what if another person has the same bag.

4. Homo extracurriculus:
This student is an exemplary example of a multitasker. They get involved in every committee possible, be it cultural or technical. They’ll hardly ever be seen in lectures, they’re so busy organising events and building stuff. You do see them at the end of the semester though, begging for attendance from the teachers. Rare species, stays with their own, spotted outside lectures, away from teachers.

5. Homo entrepreneuris:
This is the kid who dreams big. There’ll always be this one person who dreams of having his own company, and ends up starting a business, maybe in the second or third year. Now this business can range from supplying notes, to building apps or websites, to making TV shows based merchandise, anything related or not related to engineering. And while we are busy struggling to get 50% attendance, they are busy struggling to get marketing deals and delivering to customers. Endangered species, found with haphazard looks because didn’t get much sleep because program did not compile and shit, usually alone and on the phone, with customer or supplier.

6. Homo tvgeekus:
These kids are the Wikipedias of TV shows. They must have seen every show that was ever made, and be careful to never piss them off because they always have spoilers ready. They can also be trusted to tell you which shows to see and which torrents work the best. Common species, hungover looks because they had to complete Friends season 10 last night, found in groups debating whether the finale was spectacular or not.

7. Homo bunkiens:
These are the students who are just too lazy to come to college. They hardly ever attend lectures, and always message 10 people before the lecture starts, to put a proxy for them. They don’t even show up during practicals, and then turn up during submissions, and try to charm the teachers into signing their journals. Rare species, found during exams and submissions, usually alone because pure semester attend to kiya nai, dost ki shakal bhool gaye.

8. Homo calculus:
They are the smart ones, who prefer to put more effort into calculating which lectures they can bunk, rather than studying or actually attending lectures. They make up their own schedules, which suit their sleeping schedules, attend only to keep their attendance above the bare minimum, and manage to just keep out of defaulter lists. Common species, can be found inside lectures or else why even come to college, usually in a group of like-minded people.

9. Homo xeroxiens:
These can be found at the nearest Xerox shop, usually when exams are approaching, taking copies of entire notebooks (borrowed from Homo nerdiens) the size of reference textbooks. They hardly attend lectures, and rely on teachers’ or students’ notes to get them through the exams. Common species, found at Xerox shops with huge bundles of papers in hand, tired because abhi jaake wo teesre subject ke scholar ko dhundhke uske notes ka bhi Xerox lena hai.

So anyway, these were the 9 basic classifications of engineering students, and if you can relate to more than one, don’t worry you’re just an evolved species.
Leave a comment as to where do you fit in, and of course, if there is a species I haven’t yet discovered, let me know about that as well.



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