If you are anything like me, or even a normal person, there is no doubt that every time a holiday rolls around, you plan a dozen things that you will definitely do these hols. Those things can be anything. From learning the guitar, cooking, writing a blog, singing, dancing, writing a book to even Java lessons or making a website or any human chore for that matter, there is always a list to be completed.
And it never is.
If I had kept count, (no doubt another holiday task I never managed to complete), there must have been more than 50 vacations I have ever got, each a stretch of atleast 5 days, and yet here I am, a 20 year old with nothing achieved in life except a blog that maybe 10 people read. And so I am prone to believe that every fellow human will also at some point in life waste a month away.
So, I decided, with all the knowledge I have about NOT utilizing vacations, I might as well make a blog out of it, and share some completely random knowledge.
And so, here are 10 foolproof tried and tested ways you could use to destroy any plans of being productive in the vacations. Read on, and let me know how many of these methods did you try and test these hols :
1. Stay awake till 4 a.m. :
To destroy your biological clock and make sure your parents abuse you the next morning, go to sleep at 4 a.m. and get up at noon.
Some ways to help you stay awake:
Think about your non-existent future.
Take Buzzfeed quizzes on the Internet.
Watch cats scratching iPads on YouTube.
2. Make a daily time-table :
The most effective way for you to NOT do things is make a time-table. Because every human knows that not once in our lives have we ever followed a time-table, not even during exams.
Bonus tip : set an unrealistic timing like 8 a.m. to wake up every morning to make sure you don’t even START following the time-table.
3. Make travel plans with friends :
Because we know in the end we’re never going to actually go anywhere, so why not spend days discussing locations and timings and making schedules that will never see the light of day.
Bonus tip : Choose extra flaky friends who have a record for ditching you at the last minute.
4. Eat :
One of the most fool-proof ways to waste holidays is to eat. Holidays usually mean you stay at home the entire day which means you get bored and which usually ends with you in front of the fridge explaining ‘ I SWEAR THERE IS NOTHING TO EAT IN THIS HOUSE ‘ . Repeat 5 times a day for annoyed taunts and health lectures from parents.
5. Make an impossible list :
Make a list of 15-20 tasks that you want to accomplish in the hols, so that each day you can look at the list and go, ‘too many things here, even if I do half of these it’s fine ‘ .
Bonus tip: Try to accomplish in 20 days what it normally takes 20 months for a person to accomplish like learn to play a guitar or create a new app.
6. Stay at home :
This method has a higher chance of success if you’re an Indian. If you are at home, chances are your mother will burden you with enough housework to break child labour laws. Everything from cooking to cleaning to sweeping to window washing is included in the Home Care Package and is guaranteed to keep you busy till noon and sore till the next day.
7. Sleep :
The easiest method by far. Cover up all the sleep you missed out during exams, as well as all the sleep you’ll miss once college starts thinking about assignments and stuff, by sleeping for over 10 hours a day.
Added bonus when your parents scream at you for dishonouring the house and then burden you with housework.
8. Browse the Internet :
Stalk people, go online shopping, read books, watch movies, all over the Internet throughout the holidays. Be prepared to be murdered by your father however, when he learns about the Internet bill.
9. Become an expert on TV shows :
Watch every tv series that ever existed, and waste away hours as well as your eyesight.
Pro : You acquire great knowledge about every tv show and actor to ever exist.
Con : That knowledge won’t really help you ever.
10. Live in a Bubble :
Create a bubble where you believe there are infinite number of days before the vacation ends and so you can ‘take a break’ before you start on your list of impossible tasks. This bubble will be shattered on the last day with feelings of shock and disbelief and betrayal when you see the list still as good as new.
Bonus method :
Go into APM (Auto Procrastination Mode) :
In APM, every day during vacations, every task is delegated over to the next day, such that it is finally the last day, and the list of tasks has not one thing ticked off.
I could even act like a scientist and come up with a law for it :
Eleanor’s Law Of Vacations states that every homo sapiens goes into an Auto Procrastination Mode from the first day of the vacations and cannot be switched to Normal Mode until the last day of said vacations arrives unless the homo sapiens possesses advanced intelligence.
So these are the 10 easiest ways by which you can waste away an entire month of holidays and never realise it! If you have found an easier or better way, do comment below so I may try it in the next vacations!