It is that glorious time of the year when one cannot make out whether it’s night or day, since the entire sky is grey. Also, mosquitoes, hi.
I have never liked the monsoons, and if you are one of those people who like jumping in puddles and dancing in the rain, please close this tab right now. The rest of you rain-haters, read on.
It is one of those rare occasions when a plan has ACTUALLY formed on WhatsApp and everyone has miraculously agreed to meet. But of course we can’t be breaking sacred rules that WhatsApp plans never work out. And so the next day there is 50 cm rainfall, thunder, lightning, black skies and floods. It’s okay, instead of going for lunch, we’ll just go swimming.
Now I hate creepy-crawlies, because they are creepy crawling creatures, and the monsoon is an open invitation for them to invade the house. No matter how many Good Knights I put on Advance Mode, I have to get up covered in welts with hands twice the size of what they originally were.
First off, India has double the number of puddles than any other place on earth, because, thank you potholes. Half of these will be in the middle of the road and the rest half on the end. So when the car swerves right to avoid the pothole, you can be forced into an even bigger one, and completely drench your shoes and jeans.
If there is anything more annoying than drenched jeans and shoes, it is the fact that I now have to sit in those the entire day and freeze my legs off. Not to mention leaving the house in the morning even if it’s pouring because your attendance is pathetically low, and arriving in college as if you’ve never heard of umbrellas.
Rains are trouble enough, but then there comes that wind that renders your umbrella useless. And then it switches direction midway to equalise the amount of rain you get on either side. Because just one shower in the morning is too mainstream.
Forget washing jeans, they won’t dry for the next 6 months. Forget styling your hair, it’s going to frizz up 2 minutes after you’ve left the house. Monsoons come with a vendetta of reducing your already minimal wardrobe to half.
You already have half the pile of clothes now, the rest are still drying. On top of that, remove all translucent, white tops because you don’t want to look like Mandakini from that movie (it’s an old one, I don’t remember the name). Remove all light jeans because there are chances they’ll transform into brown Polka dot ones by the time you reach college. Essentially, dress like you are attending a funeral, everyday.
See, I like petrichor, and it would be a wonderful air-freshener, but the squishy mud on the small part of the road that I can actually walk on increases the chances that I’m going to fall and ruin my only pair of black jeans. Not to mention, that evil green moss. Now not only do I have to watch out for puddles and bad drivers, but also for slimy green patches trying to trip me up.
So these are all the reasons why I’d rather hide in my house and hibernate during the monsoons, even if there was an 80% sale at Crosswords. If I’ve missed any, or you have any more reasons why I could hate this weather even more, do comment. Let’s hate together.