Once every semester, there will be a time when you will be proud of yourself. You will have completed all pending assignments, done all your practicals, actually attended and paid attention in lectures, and scored decent marks.
Then comes along a paper that shakes you to the core, shatters your belief in the Almighty, and sends you spiralling down into depression which won’t end until you’ve watched an entire TV series and wiped those painful memories away.
The only thing worse than an examination is an examination where you don’t know anything.
And I had the marvellous fortune of being acquainted with one such examination yesterday.
Microprocessors. There is nothing micro about the chill that I feel when I hear that name, and nothing micro about the heartbreak after the paper yesterday.
Like every normal student, I studied only the university questions, which allowed me to conveniently omit 60% of the syllabus. And yet like a hopeless optimist, I thought I would atleast score 70% in the paper. Boy, was I wrong.
3:00 pm: *we are handed the paper. It says 100 marks instead of 80 and to attempt 7 questions in a paper which has 6*
Wait 100?! I cant even pretend I know stuff for 80. And where is the magical invisible question? Why is no one else freaking out? Did everyone know? Did everyone study and come? Oh god does everyone else have 7 questions?
3:10 pm: *glances through all questions* Well I’ve heard of 7 of these 15 concepts. I should pass. Let’s cry over the rest later.
3:15 pm: *begins writing* Wait was it 8087 or 8089?
3:20 pm: I’m 80% sure it was 8087. Let me waste another precious 10 minutes over 2 marks though.
3:30 pm: Oh God where did the time go?! I only spent half an hour pondering over one word this is so unfair.
3:50 pm: Okay, one question done. 3 more to go. Now, which one of these do I know atleast 20% of?
4:00 pm: So question 2 can get me 10 marks, question 3 can get me 8, question 5 can get me 13 marks..
4:10 pm: *finally starts writing* Well. I remembered the answer 5 minutes ago. Come on brain you can’t give up on me now .
4:15 pm: *still struggling to remember* 8253. Come on think you idiot. It was the timer. No the controller. No the counter. Was there a counter? No it was the coprocessor. But I don’t know anything about that. Let’s just make it the input output processor because atleast I know the answer for that.
4:30 pm: Okay that’s all the stuff I know. What can I do for the remaining 50 marks?
4:45 pm: Come on, invent. You write stupid blogs you can surely come up with made up technical words for this. Wait no don’t write the word ‘processor’ 10 times in one line it looks suspicious.
5:00 pm: Okay just solve one more question. Just half. Just write anything. Please brain I’ll give you a Brooklyn 99 marathon later, just tell me what is a mixed language program.
5:15 pm: Oh God why are people still writing?! Wait, is he drawing with a scale?! *Looks at own straight line resembling a worm* Shit.
5:20 pm: Do I go? But everyone will think I knew nothing. Or worse they’ll think I knew everything. BUT WHY ARE PEOPLE STILL WRITING?!
5:30 pm: OH MY GOD DID SHE JUST ASK FOR A SUPPLEMENT?!
Okay. That’s it. I’m writing a novel now too.
5:31 pm: But on what, I don’t KNOW ANYTHING.
5:45 pm: WHY DIDN’T I STUDY THAT ONE CHAPTER WHY ME GOD WHEN HAVE I WRONGED YOU WHY MUST YOU PUNISH ME THIS WAY
5:50 pm: Okay so question 1 she’ll have to give me 8 marks. Question 2, if she doesn’t really read the answer I’ll get 10 marks. Question 3, well if she can understand the squiggly lines I’ll get another 10… Okay I might just pass this.
6:00 pm: Oh thank God atleast the torture ended.
And so has my life.
Share your misery and tips on surviving bad exams too, below.