Well, let me begin by wishing you a happy valentine’s day.
And if you’re single, happy please-remind-me-I’m-single-and-all-alone day.
There are a number of things I hate about this day, and not out of spite since I’m alone, but because I’m a sane, sensible human.
Here’s some of them:
1. The Prequel:
Because just celebrating Valentine’s day is not enough, the world needs a week of foreplay to actually get there.
Rose day: To celebrate your love by killing flowers and your wallet.
Propose day: When not only auto rickshaw waalas reject you.
Chocolate day: The only day to binge on chocolates without feeling guilty. If you get any that is.
Teddy day: Because only flowers don’t showcase your love and neither does your behaviour, not like a giant stuffed animal with a fake smile plastered on its face.
Promise day: Freedom to make promises you will never keep.
Hug day: License for PDA part 1
Kiss day: License for PDA part 2
Valentine’s day: Oh so we finally did reach here. Oh now feel free to repeat all the above processes in one day.
Honestly, if you come out of this week with your wallet and relationship intact, congratulations.
2. Social media
Social media during Valentine’s week seems like an icicle to the heart every time I accidentally open any of them.
10 DIYs for Valentine’s day (because they know you cheap)
The greatest love stories ever.
What to wear this Valentine’s.
Friend 1: PDA post with boyfriend.
Friend 2: PDA post with boyfriend.
. . . . . .
Friend N: PDA post with boyfriend.
Oh, does anyone even use this anymore?
3. Couples. Couples everywhere.
It seems like couples get a license to roam in public only on this one day. Which is kinda sad.
Or rather that all the couples in the world decided to go out today to flaunt their relationship so that I could just feel worse about being alone. Thanks, world.
No matter where you look, there are couples EVERYWHERE. And when I try to not look at them and look at cute dogs on the road, well guess what, even they’ve got a valentine. Perfect. Now I feel great.
Now because I don’t have a Valentine, I resort to watching TV (yes, that’s my excuse for today). Someone please inform TV companies that the only people watching TV on Valentine’s Day are people who DON’T have a Valentine.
So could they please stop showing Titanic and The Notebook and A Walk to Remember and please instead show maybe Ace Ventura or The Matrix or Interstellar so I could drown in popcorn and not my loneliness?
5. The themes.
If I ever did get the motivation to venture out on Valentine’s Day despite the hordes of couples everywhere, public places seem to have made it their life goal to remind me what day it is anyway.
So say hello to red coloured walls, heart-shaped confetti, heart-shaped balloons, red and pink ribbons hung up in every café, restaurant, or any other place a human would inhibit.
Don’t just let social media and television remind you of the emptiness in your life. Instead, let it be shoved in your face early morning when you try to catch the previous day’s headlines and are instead greeted by VALENTINE’S DAY SPECIAL OFFER : GET 2 DONUTS FREE ON THE PURCHASE OF 3 DONUTS ONLY TODAY, AT ANY OUTLET OF JUST-ANOTHER-DONUT-SHOP-DESPERATE-FOR-CUSTOMERS!
Well, social media has deserted me. So has television. And newspaper. And the world (although this one happened a long time ago). So when I turn to my faithful Youtube to humour me with some hilarious Liza Koshy videos or the eternal humour queen Superwoman videos, I am instead greeted by How to spend a perfect Valentine’s alone, RECOMMENDED FOR YOU.
Why, thank you Youtube, the Brutus to my Caesar.
So these were the reasons I don’t look forward to this day. Don’t get me wrong, there’s nothing wrong with being single, I’d just rather not be reminded of it every day for a week.
Now excuse me while I go snuggle up to my only Valentine for the past 8 years, my lovely,furry dog.
Until next please-remind-me-I’m-single-and-all-alone day,